So, a co-worker of mine referred to windshield wiper fluid as “wiper juice”.
Let that soak in for a moment. I’m not kidding you, this isn’t some sort long (short?) con designed to fool you. Those were words that were actually said.
That happened. We around the office had a good laugh. We pointed fingers, we made fun, and really, there’s no taking a statement like that back. It’s a mistake they’ll have to live with for their entire life. It reminded me of a recent video clip from the (failed) United States presidential campaign by Ted Cruz, who while talking in Indiana, referred to a basketball hoop, as a basketball ring. This happened in Indiana, a state with a very deep and rich basketball history.
And while it may seem as an honest mistake or flub, it’s not as innocent as it seems. It may not be the same as equating, say, calling your tires “car shoes”, (something I’ve heard before), but it’s not something easily forgiven. But at the same time referring to your fluids as “juice” is kind of hilarious. After all, if we can’t make light of our cars and their ridiculous functions, we’re no different than the apes. (I apologize if I offended any apes or moneys with that reference).
It got me thinking. What were other car terms to people butcher? Here are a few examples of other terrible (great) names you should never call parts of your car.
Head lights = Eye balls. Sure they help you see but come on…
Oil = Blood Yes, I get it, you’re not clever. Stop.
Doors = Wings Need I say more?
Bumper stickers = Tattoos Actually, you shouldn’t be putting bumper stickers or decals on your car anyway. You’re not a unique butterfly because you have a DC shoes emblem on the back of your Mitsubishi Lancer, you’re just a fool.
Rear hatch = butt hatch, bum hatch, other back door reference. Please do not reference your butt in any way.
Roof = Head Putting a blanket on your car’s roof and calling it a toque.
Speakers = Ears Speakers are not your car’s ears, that’s not even how ears work. That’s also true for your car’s mirrors.
Paint = Skin Actually don’t call any part of your car after a body part. Especially not your gearshift. Don’t even get my started on things you might call that…